Updated: Sep 9, 2020

I haven't been counting. I feel pretty foggy. Within no time, everything is changing. It's exciting, it's creepy, it's going to be quiet a ride.

Who should we believe?

What really matters right now?

What never really mattered in the first place?

Can this change the world?

Who is this changing positively?

Who is this changing negatively?

Is it really changing anyone at all?

I hopped back on Instagram when all of this started going down. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was wanting to feel connected... Maybe it was trying to get a grip on what's actually happening. But when has social media ever been a good driver for that? I don't know, I don't have the answers, but I've been there. In the time of being back, the world has shifted hour by hour. It's nice to be connected in going through all of this with friends around the world. But I am unsettled.

As if the voice of social media isn't loud enough on a normal day, the lives of everyone I know is being shoved in my face. Do you feel me? It's like,





Then, boom. It all hits.

Why do I feel like slumping on the couch and binging comedy shows? Why do I feel so overwhelmed with creating all the things I have wanted to and really don't feel like creating anything? As someone who always values positivity in situations, tries to bring the light, I feel dim.

I don't feel inspired to take action on anything. I feel like my greatest effort in locking down with my honey, our cats, cooking every meal, and just taking it slooooow. This feels like hibernation and for me, it doesn't feel like a reason to constantly post. It feels like we are trapped in our homes, watching the lives of others trapped in their homes, and STILL COMPARING. This is not about mocking or following what your friends and those people you follow are doing. It's okay to not be okay, remember that.

Define your okay. We are fucking quarantined by the government to give up life as we know it. That's a lot to process.

If you're like me, you probably don't feel like doing a push up challenge, or watching 1000 people do a push up challenge. I feel like locking down. Who cares what everyone else is doing? We are being asked to social distance. So what if that's what we REALLY did? Distanced socialization through media and in-person, alike.

WHO are YOU when you do that? When it isn't about recording what you're doing with your day at home, you're just doing it? If you don't rely on people guiding you through a practice, guiding you through making art, guiding you through posting stories all day long... What happens?

I don't want to totally shun the interaction and the "unification" that's happening here... But, what if?

What if we took this time and did whatever is calling us? Binging documentaries, creating music, painting a masterpiece, becoming a homeschool teacher to your kids at home, doing nothing but breathing... whatever it is, could it be done in private? Could we all quarantine, social distance, and resurface changed humans?

I want to see change from this. Don't we all?

How will change happen if we keep doing the same shit, we just try to adapt it to home?

My scrambled thoughts have led me to this:

I'm signing off of social media, again. There is soooooo much there, that it has became overwhelmingly uninspiring and more of a burden. I am going to social distance and search for inspiration in patterns, routines, and well-being aside from the routine life we live in.

Sound too radical?

Fuck. We can't even sit down to have a meal together, keep pushing, keep testing your comfortability and willingness to invite change.

Like I said, isn't the bright side out of this about hoping for a complete change to our world?

Maybe it's realizing our world is awesome and we don't want it to change.

It just feels like a time to be silent. Do your yoga, eat your veggies,

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