Updated: Jul 24, 2019
Rough start to arriving in "the Bay". I think a lot of the pressure and frustration came from expectation. Build up
the start of making something exist or happen.
There's pressure there. You dream of things and take action, buy the ticket then spend time waiting for that to come, this really applies to travel. During the process of waiting, you imagine scenarios, attach to images, count on things to happen when really, it's all just a vision. In these moments of visioning, we experience feeling, insight, often excitement into these spaces. Then you take the ride. In these drawn out moments of build up, these pretty images and big events happening throughout leave out a lot of the process. If there is any reoccurring theme in my life it's that the magic lies in the process. The BIG magic. And what I would call the "best" magic, continually happens when the stills between those visions take the wheel. I am always less attached, less controlling, less pressured, more receptive (at the point of that period, my mind flooooooods with directions of where this could go). The vulnerable, flow state I travel from place to place in truly allows the life I get to live. It's very rarely the grand moments or the pressured purpose of while I'm "there".
It's like, "there" can be the encore at a concert, or the museum you planned your whole day around visiting, or the perfect photo you captured at just the right overlook...while those may be a moment of gratification. When you lose the wandering state and BOOM. The pressure of being. For me, it's always the spilled water that causes me to be late, to walk into a store because of the sign in the window and lead me to sitting and catching wisdom from the exact person I didn't know I needed that day, the silence after a job interview that somehow opened other doors, different than the door that was leading to "there".
Rough start arriving "there" "the Bay". I have to see this, do that, be here, go "there". I spent some days of that control. Ergo, rough start. After PRIDE, and that "see, keeping going" whisper, I decided to listen. And that's complicated. The listening part. Because following the build ups, when expectations fall short, the feeling of doubt, worry, regret may surface. "Did I spend too much money on this?" "Is there someone somewhere else that needs me right now?" "Would I be having more fun with them?" "Why did I leave what I was doing?" "This doesn't feel normal." All valid perceptions. But the truth is, BIG magic doesn't really let those things control it. There's no attachment to it. The BIG magic will happen whether those things are challenged or not. Lost all of your money and had to go on a totally different path? BIG magic. Those people you love got to have an awesome time meeting new people... but so did you. Now the circle's bigger than it's ever been which means more room for BIG magic.
Being there: capable of being relied on for support or aid. So when we aren't there yet, maybe that's when we are the reliers, receiving support or aid. So, within this week I have became the relier, a roll I try to stay rooted in. Not reliant on a certain person, or even people, just reliant on the ride, the ebb and flow of the universe. And boy, after that perception shift did my reality turn around. It's been an awesome week!
I spent some days taking in the city and venturing around with no plan after healing my traumas from the wreck. I relaxed at Baker Beach, socialized at El Techo in the Mission, and fueled up on some yummy vegan food at a restaurant close to my house, Potala.
I returned to the build site where I have made so many awesome connections and really worked hard. I'm putting my heart and soul into this build. It's amazing because to me, the build isn't my "there" its my "here". The. reason. I. am. here. In, at or to this place or position. Over this past week, I put in 38 hours of work on the temple. Taking it on full time. Totally immersed and excited to help this project come to life.
I finally committed to start training with the lovely, Annie Carpenter and I am so excited to carry this out for the rest of my time here. She is the epitome of wonderful. Learning from her feels too good to be true. Being in her presence is an act of learning. When she speaks you listen, when she shares, you receive, and the way she emanates this caring nature is truly a gift. The practice she creates is so much mindfulness on and off the mat. It's perseverance and to the point I'm making above, so much of it is in the transitions. It's something I'm learning and want to expand on, not just in my yoga practice, but in the practice that is life.