Hi friends. We're about a month and a half in to my return to Kentucky. Interesting for sure. It's taken me this long to orient myself into explaining what's up. While we know KY has been home my whole life, I really feel like an outsider looking in. It's a culture shock and a sad realization of the state and consciousness of our world, making the return from Burning Man. Not to forget the 2 months spent in my soul's incubator: San Francisco. Once again, life there reached inside me, evolving and proving a lot of self work.
Burning Man. It's crazy to even begin explaining. This 25 day pilgrimage was liberating time spent awakening and creating myself in an impermanent city. So many dreams realized, visions expanded, connections made, love found, and inspiration everywhere. It's like, now, I stand here, not covered in dust, reaching to my surroundings that do not reflect this change. When you get to live as anyone or anything in a city where everyone is doing the same, there's this confusing paradox "Is this really me?" or "Is this just who I want to be?" Is this possible in real life?" and that's where I am. How do I take on the default world and this new identity inside me with all the people and places I know so well?
In Kentucky, I have spent a lot of time catching up with friends, telling stories of Burning Man, and sharing the heart in this evolved personality I created to carry.
I had a realization in the middle of Playa one day, I heard that question you here all year long after you roll your virgin ass in the dust and become a burner. "So how was burning man?" "What is Burning Man?" That moment, pink skies and dust blowing around in the middle of Playa, glimpses of lights and nighttime attire, brought me to overwhelming tears. Within the year of explaining this unexplainable place to everyone, summing it up and tailoring it to the person you're talking to, trying to understand that person and offer them concise insight on what you believe would be interesting and relatable to them, thats what the memory becomes. A summary. A quick way, a round about explanation. It becomes all these set in stone descriptions, when really, it's the most ever changing and magical place that words can't really make you feel. This place MAKES YOU FEEL. I have physically felt it change my personal, emotional, sexual, and spiritual inner Realms. Something really deep to talk about when a student or someone in the supermarket asks one of those questions real quickly. A "Great" is expected and they're ready to move on. That makes processing this growth and magic really hard. It dims the magic and you mutter through the year thinking, "Yeah! That's what Burning Man is." Go back to that moment, that tearful moment in the middle of playa when I ACTUALLY FELT "THIS is fucking Burning Man." The tears ask, "Where the fuck are the words to even put that into my mouth." So what should I do? That moment told me, Reflect all of this in your art. I talked in an earlier blog post about how I want to turn everything into the Art of Living, and Burning Man is that fuel.
So, here. Where I physically am: Kentucky. Home. The facilitator of comfort, familiarity, nature, family and friends. The place where my creative soul searches for refuge. It feels small and dim. But all in all, this return has been sweet. I've jumped back into being a full-time student and teacher's assistant. I know that I want to be an artist, so I am taking my current roles seriously because being a professor seems like a pretty promising route to continue research, focus on passion projects, a platform to share my wisdom from all of this exploring, and my genuine interest in people. So I'm excited about it. I try to wake up every day and put a smile on my face and approach this as an art. When I look in the mirror and claim this outlook, I find myself in a total state of flow.
I am wrapping up my master's degree in Interiors this year while catching up on some architecture classes to create the base for my MArch and be a student just a little longer. Within this year I get to work on a thesis project. For this thesis, I have chosen my committee of teachers to support me, I have created the story, I have buried myself in the research, and I am living the research. I can't really complain about that. The passion I feel for this project right now is so overwhelming that every time I start to speak about it my head overflows and my heart beats a little faster. It's like nervousness, excitement, and a proud mom moment, all in one. I believe the committee I have selected sees my potential and understands my niche in the field of Interiors. To speak on that, my studies are very human-centric and rooted in experience. I harness my all of my interests into space. It's the approach I have found that keeps in interested and passionate. I hope to create spaces for people to experience pure ecstatic moments. I would even take it as far as saying, I am interested in creating spaces that can affect our body's interior design. The way we FEEL.
I was scared about returning to school after my time in the desert. Maybe I'm still scared, haha. That doesn't stop me. I'm inspired and liberated and supported. I have old family and friends here that see the changes of time with me and accept me for who I am. I have new friends all over the place who have helped me realize growth and change and have formed a family away from family.
I came back from Burning Man this year a little less depressed than last. I feel fulfilled and sometimes long for the scent of the alkaline, dust in my hair and curious places. I am connected and ready to be involved in this amazing community for years and years to come. I feel as though I got to facilitating experience within the city and that helped me with being a safe space outside of the temple, to facilitate that in default as well. In my soul I am and will always be a temple builder.
I keep myself busy, always trying to make the time count. If you're reading this, I appreciate you. I appreciate you having a general interest in my sporadic thoughts and this wild, winding road journey I cruising along with "no brakes" (shoutout Brenda, I love you.) I hope you all continue to stick with me as you inspire me to do big things. Chase my dreams.
If your a friend from out of state, I'm totally wrapped up in school right now but only a phone call away. If you're in Kentucky and we haven't connected since my return from Burning Man, and/or you're interested in a couple hours of me rambling on about my insane experience, please know, your ear would be much appreciated. It's hard leaving there as I have said over and over, trying to decide when the right time to talk about it is challenging.
I set a goal when leaving there and invite you to practice it as well: Sometimes I realize it may be annoying to ramble on so passionately about this place, but instead of judging myself for that I aim to provide open ears for someone when they want to talk about their passions. No matter if initially the topic seems off or uninteresting, there is always something to learn and always some connection to be made. We as people can provide safe spaces for others and by simply listening, this can facilitate joy in others. That's why connection is so important. That's why you all are so important. I love you