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((STRONG CONNECTION TO #TOD)) WEEK 3 in BERKELEY

My third week in the bay was a week of focus. I really dove into full time work. 45 hours spent in American Steel, meeting new volunteers everyday, growing super close to the temple itself, and improving my skills alongside learning SO much! I have gained a huge appreciation for physical labor. During the many hours of hammering the trusses together, I envisioned taking on the role of a carpenter. The satisfaction of putting so much work in, using my body and physical capability to create something is a nice change from working behind a screen all day. Coming home, relaxing the Cali way, and waking up to do it again is a very satisfying feeling. Temple of Direction or TOD is such a large scale fabrication project,

All of my days of build weren't the best, but having the option to go in to a place of loving colleagues and put my heartache, frustration, excitement, passion, and every emotion into the wood and this structure has really shown me what this temple means to me. In my life. At this moment in time. It's beautiful, it's supportive, it's there. For me. We all like feeling like we have a purpose and TOD has been carrying me high on cloud nine. Adjacent to that, a lot of times in this world, money validates this purpose. So, for being out here with this as my primary "job", no monetary advances coming in, it's easy to fall into a bit of confusion and beat myself up for not advancing in the money side of things. But, this is in no way shape or form about money, it's about creating something bigger than all of us. It's about showing up everyday to give life to a saving grace. Temple is a place to let go, so for me, letting go of expectations that I should make this much or have that much, and just be here, now, with what I actually have has been a pivotal point for me. The rest will come, the funds will show up, the love will show out, and I will keep on trekking. That's what I keep reminding myself. Even in the big picture of being an artist, art is NOT about money. In my current state, I do dream of pursuing an artist life, so this mindset is new and I feel as though I sound a little extreme, but I believe in a different lifestyle and trying to describe it is tricky... Maybe not conventional in the "success" standards of your average American, but I do not feel like that is my category. I mean, if I could spend all my time in this alternate universe we call Burning Man, wouldn't I? YES. Forgive me for that detour, but the point I'm attacking is that there's value in way more things than cash. Just like the value in this team of kickass ladies traveling to playa with me and the confidence to grab any tool on site and physically create art alongside strangers who become family. Priceless. I am so excited to carry this enthusiasm into the desert.

Besides day and nights at the build, my friend Brenda and I went to a sound experience, "Audium". This beautiful theater found it's home in 1975 and is located on Bush Street in San Francisco. It is totally somewhere I want to visit frequently. Here, you hear everyday sounds sculpted and distributed all around the room from 176 speakers. The sounds form physical movement, direction, speed, and intensity. After the show, I had time to speak with the creators son, Dave Shaff. This experiment has been running with composers since the 50's and it was nice to ask him questions and hear his answers. Definitely a place I could meditate weekly.



This week I pretty much accepted that I wouldn't be hearing back from my job interview when I first arrived here. While it had it's way of affecting me, the overall emotion I was feeling was blessed. Grateful to even step into the office in the first place and share my visions with the creative director of one of my all time favorite brands. I think subconsciously this feeling of defeat slowed me down and possibly drained my energy a little. Just like half of the equation I had set out to do wasn't being fulfilled, but again, it gave me that much more force to throw into leading crews on the temple and really getting connected. All a part of the journey, and I KNOW that timing is everything. With all of that rambling and bustling in my mind, I keep eating good foods and fighting the good fight and look forward to moving. Onward.

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